


Without You

by 1_800_fiction



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Death, F/M, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28125840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_800_fiction/pseuds/1_800_fiction
Summary: Type/Prompts: Drabble / “It’s all your fault” & “I feel like I can’t breathe.”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 2





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Got very dark, I don’t usually get this dark. I don’t want to say what exactly it is without spoiling it but trigger warning (Suicide)

You threw yourself onto your bed, tears not yet forming as the shock made everything stand still. You felt nothing but everything at once. It all hit you at once that it was too overwhelming and you weren’t sure which emotion you should feel. They swirled all around in your head, taking over.

“Y/N” Steve called which only made you bury yourself further into the blankets. In your head was like a war of how you felt. Were you angry, sad, guilty, confused? It was a tug of war. 

You almost didn’t hear Steve over the commotion in your head but you didn’t bother to answer.

He repeated you name once again but he sounded closer. You kept your mouth shut as there were no words to say. You still felt his presence in the room you shared with Bucky. 

After a long silence you pulled away from the sheets. The bed smelled like him. You could almost imagine he was there next to you.

“What do you want?” Your voice breaks halfway through your demand. Guilt is present in his eyes. His eyes pour directly into yours. His mouth opens to talk to you but he hesitates. Your eyes go blurry. You feel the sadness creep up along with guilt and anger. You never noticed the pool of water escaping your eyes.

“Speak!” You yell louder than intended.

“We need you in the briefing room” He shifted. Anger arose inside you rapidly.

“Really? Is that all you have to say?” You start to get up from to bed to face him. He started to turn around and leave which only made you ten times angrier. You ran to him in fury. 

Steve heard you stomping to him, catching him off guard. You landed a punch right on his left eye, sending him to the floor. You hissed at the pain soaring in your hand. He didn’t make a sound.

**_“It’s all you fault!”_ **You screamed him, kicking him while he was down. Anger became you dominant emotion, causing you to take it out on Steve, who looked lifeless spread on the floor. 

You screamed at him, not making any sense. Your body went wild as you let out your pain on him like a worn out punching bag. Others heard the commotion and ran in, pulling you away from him. Your breathing was ragged and harsh as fire brew inside you. 

You tried to get out of Sam and Natasha’s grasp but they held you too strong. Wanda and some other people you didn’t recognise helped Steve up and taking him away, leaving you with Sam and Natasha in your room. They released you and you ran straight for the bed and screaming into the pillow.

“Y/N, It’s no ones fault. It was an accident” Sam tried to reason. You looked up at them, teary eyed. “Accident? He was responsible! You all could have saved him!” You yell at him. Like a sad puppy he left the room. Natasha sympathies with you, knowing how much you loved each other and how much pain you felt now that he wasn’t here.

**_“I feel like I can’t breathe”_** You barely spoke. You had calmed down, all your anger gone, replaced by unbearable pain. She came over to you and held you in an embrace, which is rare for her. “I loved him so much” You cried out for your lost lover. “I know” She whispered. Natasha held you there for only a moment and you were now alone.

Bucky had always been there for you and protected you. It killed you knowing you couldn’t protect him. You didn’t want to live in a world riddled with pain and misery without him. 

You knew you could never love again, you didn’t have it in you. In the dead middle of the night, when everyone was resting, you lay in bed smelling him once again. It brought you peace and happiness for a brief moment before joining Bucky with a bullet.


End file.
